So, in the long long ago I wrote a ranty rant on The Long Dark.
Seeing that the game has been recently finished (kind of). I feel like I should write an updated ranty rant.
Hell, I’ll make it two for the price of one.
I will write an updated “Survival mode” rant (many things changed in the game since early 2015) and one on the story mode (my first experience with it).
This is about the story mode.
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So, finally story mode is out. Well, it’s been out for a while, but I haven’t really kept up with the releases.
Of course, I had to go play for a bit.
And the following are my thoughts and random points. (mostly mean spirited criticism)
Warning: lots of spoilers about the game
(1650 words)
The game now takes up 6 Gigabytes. I hope it justifies the massive amount of extra space. (hey, it doubled)
So, we start story mode…
Our character is Will Mackenzie a bush pilot in Canada. (bushes in Canada? I thought it was all a snowy wasteland)
So we start by crashing the plane, always a good start, and the MC’s (main character) adventure starts.
MC’s hand gets injured, his hand is impaled by a shard of metal. His leg is also injured.
What to do? Well, considering you’re in the middle of nowhere and have no first aid kit…just remove the metal shard from your hand.
Of course!
#YOLO #ManlyFreeBleeding
The other person who was on the plane is nowhere to be seen. (of course, that person is his ex-wife who he’s still pining for…it’s not like that’s a low quality cliché or anything.)
So after I get control of the MC, I start doing the good old classic: grab anything that isn’t nailed down.
A nice change (at least that I remember) is that crates now can be broken and might have stuff inside.
Being a reasonably seasoned player of the game, I know pretty much everything that can be picked up and it’s uses.
So since the MC is injured I tried to grab some Rose hips, as you can make those into tea that works as a healing method.
“You don’t need those yet”, what?
Yes I do, impaled hand, healing tea…sounds good.
No, the game decided I didn’t need it. Well, moving on.
Does this sad music ever end? Oh boy, sad, sad music…never-ending.
For now the mission is simple survival.
Later followed by finding escape.
Well, the days pass and finally MC’s hand and leg get better and it’s time to try to climb your way out of there.
You find stuff belonging to the woman who was with you on the plane (such a magnificently well written and engaging character that I can’t even recall her name, I just call her “cunt” most of the time), so suddenly you seem to recall that indeed, there was someone with you and they might be kinda dead or in the same situation as you.
It’s not like you could have thought of that four or five days earlier before you found her stuff. No, finding her stuff was a magical trigger.
Anyway, disregard the fate of the cunt, more important things are in your near future.
Freedom is near, well freedom from the little place you crashed your plane on at least.
All you need to do is climb.
You slip and…
Get injured of course.
Now it lets me grab rose hips.
Design tip: How about the popup about them and their use appearing when you first pick them, instead of the half-assed and idiotic “You don’t need these yet.” message.
Warning: lots of spoilers about the game
Real heavy spoilerage starts from here, stop reading if you don’t like things getting spoiled.
So you climb the little rock wall and there’s nothing else to do other than move forward, towards the unknown.
We do that and after a bit find a road. Let’s follow it.
There are wolves around and it’s almost night.
Best tactic is to go from car to car, enter them and check if the wolf is nearby.
A good way down the road is a church.
Upon seeing it the MC comments “The church looks like a good shelter”, perhaps…but meanwhile there are two wolves right near the entrance.
I guess I shouldn’t trust the MCs risk assessment capacity.
Then again, the comment wasn’t “The church looks like a safe shelter”.
Continuing on down the road.
It’s getting kinda boring since so far there’s nothing to differentiate this from the “sandbox” mode, other than a unfamiliar map.
It’s about time something story-ish appears…
And it does. You reach a town.
Ah, how quaint, the town of Milton, population: one salty cunt with a rifle (who happens to be blind. The salty cunt, not the rifle.), you’ll meet her soon enough.
Now here’s a town that should invest in wolf culling. Heck, a local reward program: kill four wolves get a rifle for free.
So, you work your way to salty cunt with a rifle‘s house. (hint, make sure to get advantage of the infinite fire in the fireplace at the house)
And seemingly she has what you want the most right now…a rifle!
No, wait, not that.
What you really, really want is information about the salty cunt with no rifle (MC’s ex-wife) and the salty cunt with a rifle implies she has that info.
You’ll just have to work for it.
Enter Wood Gathering Simulator 2017, as if it wasn’t bad enough to gather your own wood you’ll gather other people’s wood too.
Strangely in the town of Milton Wood Gathering Simulator 2017 is very, very similar to Getting eaten by wolves simulator 2017.
I gather the wood needed and…I find the first game stopping bug: for some reason can’t open the wood bin. Not all is lost, a simple restarting of the game (as in the program itself) fixed it.
Needed wood gathered, salty cunt with a rifle seems to trust me a little more. All is well in the world.
Oh, no, wait, now she wants you to go and get her food.
Food gathering Simulator!
Here, take all my cattails.
As an aside, am I the only one who can’t seem to hit a rabbit with a stone in this game?
After another bout of Getting eaten by wolves simulator 2017 this mission too is successfully finished.
And now the salty cunt with a rifle trusts me fully. (I gave her some stuff to make it easier)
Great, now she’s not so salty any more.
Fast forward, she gives you a pair of hiking boots, which if I’m not wrong she implied belonged to…someone she wouldn’t speak of.
Yeah, I think she implied they were her daughter’s boots.
If so, paraphrasing Austin Powers: That’s not a girl…that’s bigfoot baby!
More stuff happens, but while I like to spoil, there are limits.
Fast forward to Episode 2.
We finally are in a map all of us are familiar with, after saving a finely bearded gentleman from being fully eaten by a bear.
As a result he’s a finely bearded gentleman half eaten by a bear.
We take him to his cabin and try to help him.
Finally a map that I know very well.
Now the finely bearded gentleman half eaten by a bear wants you to go meet fluffy, you know…fluffy, the friendly fluffy thing that lives inside the dam for some reason.
So, to the dam.
Of course first, I visit all the other locations that I know! Well, I’ll stop at my official “sandbox mode” base, the “camp office” at the very least.
One thing that is a let down is the interaction, so far we’ve interacted with:
- Crazy salty cunt (a.k.a.: salty cunt with no rifle)
- Salty cunt with a rifle
- Finely bearded gentleman half eaten by a bear
Haven’t played “sandbox” in a while, so I don’t know if the map is the same as story mode, but the dam looks much better. (has a fence, cars, container houses, etc.)
Wait, the dam has a fence? Maybe fluffy won’t be inside. (hint: it isn’t)
So, I finish my mission on the dam and…
From now on the finely bearded gentleman half eaten by a bear shall be know as finely bearded revengeful gentleman, because that bear is going to get it. Bam, right in the kisser!
Enough play by play witty commentary.
If you don’t like “go fetch” simulators, stay away from story mode.
A small change that would be welcome (by me anyways) is that is should let us harvest the limbs from the big fallen trees.
As story progresses I reach the conclusion that fucking Mackenzie can only stay alive because you control him. (no shit Sherlock…)
I mean, I’m exploring a dark place with a lantern in my hand, clearly looking at a dead body and Mr.”I pretend I’m a badass bush pilot” Mackenzie trips on the body and manages to hit his head on the floor.
Does the MC have bad luck…or is it just shit writing?
Heck, the entire place is derelict, just make a gust of wind come and dislodge a rusty beam or something.
That way is completely actor independent.
Or make Mackenzie slip and hit a shelf, making a tool hit him in the head.
Continuing Mackenzie hits his head and next thing you know electricity is back.
With lots of spoopy wolves.
What? They hate the light?
There are street lamps kinda lighting your way?
“MOOOOOOM, for some strange reason I’m suddenly playing Alan Wake again!”
And this is all for this rant, ran out of patience to write down little notes while playing and my witty commentary has dried up.
See you next time.